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[03 Oct 2008|05:35pm] |
a few updates!! havent blogged all september...
well, i don't even remember september, schools going pretty well, nothing special. i love going to the library at school now because all do is homework and study for class.
yesterday was supposed to be when i'd be back with my boyfriend, but jail released him and sent him to juvy which is ridiculous... i'm really sad about it because all i do i miss him
i'm turning 19 this month! wooo hoo. there are so many birthdays coming up. this friday is trang and anna's 19th in palm springs. then kat's birthday then eddie's birthday, then my birthday, monster massive, manny's birthday, halloween!!! sooo many flippin birthdays! i'm pretty excited for it.
i really want eddie to be out of jail now because its gloomy and so perfect for cuddling ;(
my car is a piece of shit and i hate driving it.
i get surgery soon but i dont know when i should be doing that
Where is the person you need most right now?
locked up :(
What's your middle name?
taydan
Where will you be 2 hours from now?
sleeep
Is it easy for others to make you feel intimidated?
no, i guess not
Have you ever kissed someone whose name starts with a B?
yes hahaha
Where’s your girlfriend/boyfriend/husband/wife at?
locked up at the theolacy
Are you on a desktop or laptop?
desktop
Does anyone love you for no reason?
theres always a reason
Can you make yourself sneeze?
is that possible?
What are you planning to do tonight?
sleep take a nap
Play an instrument?
hahahaa french horn is my favv
Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?
probably not
What are your favorite colors?
purple black blues greens
Have you ever passed out?
yes
What are you doing tomorrow?
jen's birthday 10/4
Are you easily confused?
mmm
Do you think you would make a good wife/husband?
mos def
What's your favorite kind of ice cream?
ummm c c c d
Everything happens for a reason?
sure
What is your biggest turn off?
theres a lot
Whats your natural hair color?
exactly the color ihave now
How many hours did you sleep last night?
12
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[24 Aug 2008|01:21am] |
life is funny.......... it will pick on you, push you around, and give you everything you've ever wanted.
like i said before, america is the land of opportunity and 2nd 3rd 4th and 5th chances. i got my second chance in school so now i'm gonna finally take advantage of it! everythings falling right back into place! and it feels so damn good. schools in what...? one more day?! i cannot wait. i don't think i have any classes with anyone i know so thank god for that, i think this time around i'm gonna get a parking pass so i dont have to walk across the street for class which is prolly also the reason why i'm always so god damn late! =)
grandma lindburgh took me to see eddie with her and it was great. she was sooo nice and told me the most interesting stories i've ever heard. damn... left and right with all these jaw-dropping stories!! just the other day i had a nice lunch with adeline and she treated so that was really nice of her! MY TURN NEXT! i just need to get situated with a job and cash flow in order for me to be a baller again.
mi madre wants to take me shopping for fancy things because she says a girl needs an expensive purse to show how high her standards are. i think thats commical because i love my volcom bags just the way they are! I DONT NEED NO ALPHABET C's G's or LV's on my handbag. or do i??? i wouldn't mind owning one =), i just dont wanna make a huge indent in mi madre's wallet coz i realized how hard working my family is. SO TOUGH.
i'm saving money to get my steve madden boots because i can't find the other boots anywhere else anymore!!!!!! i also need new snowboarding boots, hopefully i can find some dope ones on sale at sportschalet!! cant wait till snowboarding season starts!! brandon and i talked about skidazzle and got our plans all figured out for the upcoming season. it will be soooooooooo dope!!
my phone is so ugly, but its not too shabby.
has cool functions and does whatever i want it to.
it just looks BUTTTTTTTTT UGLY!!!!!!!!!!!
i can list like 18 birthdays in october
but none in september... whats up with that?
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[17 Aug 2008|11:15pm] |
back in the day when i was young i'm not a kid anymore....
taylor called me like 10 minutes ago and got so many thoughts in my head about my future. he was being such a good sport. i love talking to taylor about everything thats going on esp topics that deal with eddie too. he was like "so are you gonna really marry eddie?!?" thats way too fast to think about that but i'm pretty sure everything will work out later on in the future. i mean for time-being i love him, but he has to work for his trust again. he's completely lost that from me.
i miss my boyfriend like crazy!
i miss my girls
i miss the fall/winter time
i'm excited for october to cruise by so i can sleep over at eddie's house all the time and stay warm and cozy!! =)
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[13 Aug 2008|10:05am] |
sigh..............
i can't wait for eddie to get out so i can give him a piece of me. i'm gonna chew him the fuck out. then of course we can work on our relationship and have it all dandy again... hopefully.
on second thought, i've been thinking about it and i don't think i'll be able to ever trust him again. i trusted him until he threw reasons after reasons at me not to trust him anymore. god damn it. i dont know whats the right thing to do coz no one understands. he didnt cheat on me... but it sure feels like it.
yesterday was devo's 19th birthday! woop wooop
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[26 Jul 2008|09:27am] |
my life now feels a lot better...
i now magically have all this money because i'm not spending it going out with all the time.
i desperately need a job! jesus christ, isn't anyone hiring?!?!
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[30 Jun 2008|06:05pm] |
I'm in love but I'm afraid to admit it.
I forgot to mention on here that Eddie and I are together again =). today is our 3 months!!! heheheheheh
It all started with trying to be friends, but that didn't work out AT ALL... we'd be having so much fun hanging out and holding eachother then at the end of the night we're not going out so I told its just too hard to just be friends
I couldnt kiss him, and do whatever I wanted like I used to. I told him this can't keep happening coz it'll only make me want him even MORE! So he started getting mad and frustrated at me and finally agreed on leaving me alone. "following my wishes" he kept making me feel guilty by texting me "i hope this is what you want blah blah blah blah"
then two days later of no talking he calls me just to see if i was going to EDC which is a rave, but I told him yeah. He was like "well I don't wanna go coz I'll ruin your night blah blah blah" I said I dont care 65,000 other people are their he has his right to go to! Then he texted me saying something was missing from his heart and he missed me.
i didn't know what to say to that so like HOURS later I texted him back... "iono what to say to that" and then i went over there and he literally begged me back with saying please please and promised me a lot of things.
Taylor Quinn was SOOO HAPPY knowing we got back together. It was so funny, he made us comeover to celebrate and we went tagging around the city! He's been the bestboyfriend since! trying to get me to like him back.
EDC was sooo fun.. I think I rolled too hard with Howard. I took my first one with Eddie but then I lost eddie for 11 hours. So every half an hour Hayword and I took one we went crazy!! I can't believe I wasn't even with my own boyfriend for 11 hours! I was soooo sad. reception sucks!! calling him didn't even work. At the very end I saw him and I was sooooo happy!!!!! we just hugged eachother the hole time!! I think I love him. or maybe its the drugs talking...
we napped at my house for a really long time and then went back to his house to eat and nap again! I think i love him but I can't say it, because I told myself I wont love you coz what he did to me before. he fucked up really bad but he said the cutest cutest things ever!!!!!! he was like "would you believe me if i told you i loved you?" and i said "no." and he said "dont worry, you will" hahah who does that??
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[12 Jun 2008|06:30am] |
whats the worst pain ever?
heart ache.
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[06 Jun 2008|03:42pm] |
i let it slide. i know how much girls love hanging out with Eddie.
so i was hanging out with his friends without eddie there because he was with matt. robby was like.. so you two are just talking? i'm like. whoa-wait a minute. WHAT??? robby didn't even know we were going out. here i am like.. i've been his fucking girlfriend for over two months now.
matt meets me and we all hang out... i dont really like matt because he's kind of cocky. he told me "eddie is the way he is because of me" thats pretty stupid. eddie fell asleep on my lap and matt kept talking to me and touching me. getting all close. it was so awkward. i wish eddie was awake while this all happened.
matt calls up eddie's ex girlfriend and they talk and im talking too and she goes "whos that girl in the background?" then matt looks at me in COMPLETE hesitation and goes "um.... eddie's girlfriend..." and she goes.. "WHAT??? EDDIE HAS A GIRLFRIEND?!"
i really want to break up with him just because it'll be beneficial for me in the future but when i'm with him all i want to do is hold him as close as i could. damn... i'm in such a BIG FAT CONUNDRUM.
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[01 Jun 2008|03:46pm] |
nothing really going on... havent seen my eddiebear since monday!!!!! he's been working. FINALLY.
How old were you when you had your first relationship?
real relationship.. 18
Are you taken/single?
taken
How old were you when you had your first kiss?
16 hahaha jonathan....
What color is your underwear?
gray
Do you like anyone right now?
eddiepus
Ever had your heart broken?
thrown around yes. broken, no.
Miss anyone right now?
my girlfriends!!
Last person you saw?
mi madre
What was the last thing you said to someone?
okay okay!!
Who is top in your top friends?
my top top is EDDIEBEAR MICHAEL AND VAN =)
Why?
my beb is sometimes the most amazing person
michael campos is my bestfriend!!
van nguyen will always be my bo-lover
Who do you trust the most in your life?
momma
Who do you love most?
family.. and my dead doggy <3 still love ya baby
Ever been in love?
not enough
Are you in love now?
i wish
Who has hurt you the most?
eddie
Has a tragedy ever happened in your life?
everyone has their own tragedies
Are you happy?
PRETTY MUCH!!
How many good friends do you have?
a lot
Are there some songs you cant listen to because they remind you of someone?
nope, it just hurts my ears hahaha
Ever been cheated on?
thats not nice! but yes
Ever been told someone loved you?
yes
Ever told someone you loved them and meant it?
i almost meant it
Not meant it?
all the time!!!!!! can't break your heart if they dont have it
Are you happy with where you are relationship-wise now?
kinda... he hasnt proved it to me where i believe him yet
What is your idea of true love?
loving them regardless... tunnel vision... sometimes her over friends... phone calls before bed... little reminders... SIMPLE STUFF!! keeping the RIGHT distance from girls just because...
When they slip, do you think you can let go the small stuff?
no
Do you believe in love at first sight?
hahahahaha eddie =) JK!
Why or why not?
you cant see love silly
Do you believe that it is best to have a friendship first then love?
depends on the person right? i was friends with eddie for a while before we went out
Do you believe that love can be found in bars or is that too much of a risk?
love is all around right
Should men and women be expecting the other to buy the other gifts?
yes. gift or no gift, you gotta have something to show for your love and appreciation. anyone can just say THANK YOU and not mean it.
Who should wear the pants in the relationship or should it be a mutual give?
it should be mutual, but obviously I WEAR THE PANTS/DRESS/JEANS/WALLET/PURSE... he wears nothing
Should chauvinists of either gender be in a relationship?
no way... it has to be balanced!
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[31 May 2008|11:28pm] |
i have a love hate relationship with my own boyfriend.
last night he was being a baby and i liked it!! he couldn't sleep yesterday so he woke me up at 2AM just to hear my voice for comfort. yay! it actually makes me feel loved again... or at least noticed, coz he's also the very neglectful boyfriend.
so sad... this morning he texted me saying he was on his way to work... and on the freeway he saw a huge-naked-fat-woman on the freeway!! i was so shocked... bless her heart, i wonder why she was walkin on the freeway naked??!?! eddie thinks she mighta been a rape victim... or plain ol retarded... one of them?? who knows.
why is it that all i talk about is eddie?? ahhahaha i hope it doesnt get annoying!! jen and i hung out all day today instead of partying.
i'm sooo over partying, its not like i drink anyways. alcohol isn't that great, sure it makes you relaxed and chill but do you honestly need it every weekend just to kick it with your friends?
jen and i just sat at my house, i cooked some good pasta and she brought over garlic bread + we made home made lemonade and watched 27 dresses!! then we took a bunch of pictures and made headbands! I LOVE HEAD BANDS!! then we were taking pictures of ourselves. it reminded me off back in the old days!!
i think taylor is the only one who reads my blogs on livejournal... SO ATTENTION TAYLOR! it kinda reminds me of me and you when we had our good fun adventure days and took 205498103285 pictures! hahaha i miss it! AND I MISS YOU! <3
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[29 May 2008|10:30am] |
(sigh)
i feel like i'm running in circles when it comes to eddie... sometimes its good and sometimes its bad. but shouldn't it always be good? im not saying relationships are supposed to be perfect... but he prolly doesn't have a clue because its me thats unhappy. he makes no effort to make me happy. or maybe i'm blind to it?
hugs and kisses don't make up for the things i do for him.
i hate him because he is making me sick. literally.
he has the 'smokers' caugh supposidly
now i have tonsils the size of gumballs!!!!!
i have to go to the doctors tomorrow morning
they hurt so bad i can't even sleep.
then i've been back and forth to newman
i got a lot of prescription to get my body back on track
i've missed my period for about 2 months now...
pretty nerve wracking if you ask me.
............. ughhhhh
i'm so saaaaaad
i dont know what to do in my position...
help?!?!
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[26 May 2008|11:53am] |
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Fatboy Slim - Don't Let The Man Get You Down |
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the wedding weekend is over... going through all these weddings makes me wanna get married. gettin married young is good right?? i personally think its a good thing because its more of an innocent kind of love. more like just being with eachother, doing things with eachother, no worries, just loving eachother... but when you find love growing up its like... sex+money+children+responsibilities+work. its more hectic and you forget to love!
eddie sure does have A LOT of skanks texting him asking him to kick it and comeover. someone by the name of kelcey really pissed me off... one of the text messages was like "oh you can comeover now but you have to find a ride home later k?" with a bunch of hearts and asking him to kick it and all that shit... it reaaaaaaaally bothered me. i just let it go then we started partying again and it was fun but eddie wanted to leave.
we got into a big argument because i was driving him home, and he goes "go straight" when i was on the turn right only lane. then i called him annoying and he was like "what did you say?" and i'm like "i said you're annoying" and i also added that he was a liar because going straight meant also leaving the party to go hang out with other people and not telling me + expecting me to just go with him. btw he's every inconsiderate..
so we rant and rave, screaming our heads off at eachother so he storms off. woo hoo i win! manny scoots in my car and takes eddie's spot and just makes me feel a lot better about everything. i take eddie home and he told me that he likes it when we fight because we never do.
what a drama queen. then we had communication skills for the first time! horray! we both fell asleep in my car and woke up freezing our asses off because the weather is getting a lot chillier. hopefully it stays that way. i woke him up around 6 and made him break into his house coz it was freeeeezing.
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[09 May 2008|03:56pm] |
My bestfriend Michael Campos is AMAZING!!!
hahahhahah I love how even though he lives in LA we can just see eachother whenever we want and start off where we left at any given time. I love friendships like that. Where nothing has really changed and you're still bestfriends with them...
SOOOOOOO my sidekick is making me mad. i need 200 dollars for just spending on nothing. I really miss EDDIE CALDERON <3
I don't know what the fuck it is, but I don't think I can ever get sick of him. We were so close to breaking up and I realized when we do break up... how am I supposed to handle it if I can barely handle it while being his girlfriend.
IM FUCING NUTS! but I'm going to see him right now! SOO TOOTLES <3
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[04 May 2008|08:42pm] |
So last night topped off the future of mine and eddie's relationship.
At 11PM I was supposed to sleep over at Eddie's house because I really was over the whole driving home at five in the morning shinnadigans when I am at his house laterrr.
Thats not the case, I am calling all the homies asking where he's at. Turns out he asked Brandon Howard and Manny to cover for him saying he wasnt with them and he was with Nick and Aaron. So here I am worried as hell because Nick and Aaron wasnt with him either.
So I go to Pomona with Nick Aaron and Wendy. All was good till about 3AM. I get a phonecall from Eddie saying that he had just got jumped and all that shit happened.
I race home from ponoma freaking out and when I see him my heart just stops. I take him home to ORANGE and he passes out. Just great.
His face looked like someone laid an egg in it.
So this morning I just thought about everything over and over, and I realized that I can't handle these things everyday. I can't handle being at his foot whenever he wants me to. Taking care of him when he's hurt, being there whenever he calls for me.
I asked howard why he didn't tell me he was with Eddie and he told me Eddie had asked all of them not to tell me where he was. How great is that? Some boyfriend huh?
So I also find out a lot more things about him and all that junk which was complete BULL.
He called me promptly after I found all that out and I straight up told him that I don't think that we should be together anymore.
He kept asking me why, and I figured this is finally the time to finally confront the conniving asshole he is. I asked him why he told the guys to lie to me and hide from me.
He told me "oh I didn't want you to see me drunk" it was complete bullshit. I see him drunk all the fucking time, what difference would that make. I knew he was with those 16 year old skank-whores that cling around brandon giving him blowjobs 24/7.
so he left the guys around 2AM and gets jumped by fucking some mexicans. His reason for leaving the guys was that "I left them because I didn't want to cheat on you because all the guys want is pussy so I walked away from them to get a phone and call you"
when i hear that, its like what the fuck? GOOD FOR FUCKING YOU. CONGRATUFUCKINGLATIONS FOR NOT CHEATING. you're NOT supposed to cheat on me in the first place fucking dumbass.
they also told me that eddie would talk behind my back to them. when i found that out it hurt really bad. when i confronted him about that he said he never one did that and i could believe who i want to believe he didnt say anything bad about me. i'm not sure about this one. but it really pissed me off hearing about it either way.
i make so many sacrafices for him. and i'm really sick of fucking up on his behalf.
He fucked up. and he's trying to change, but I dont think I can even let it slide.
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[20 Apr 2008|11:25am] |
4-19-08 TOUCH DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!
UM... so I don't feel any attachment anymore... Eddie is funny. He's a big alcoholic. I realized that if he wants to stay with me, he shouldn't drink as much as he does. Since its 420 he got high for the first time in ages and drank too which is a bad combo. Idiot... I took him home all the way in orange and he knocked out so I kept shaking him and hitting him and cracking his knuckles. He didn't wake up! So I started slapping him and pushing him out of my car. Finally that dummy woke up and saw all the things I did to him. I drew a heart on his forehead and wrote all over his arm. Hahhahah!
He says he's going to prove to me that he can stay with me while he's in the Navy....... Should I believe him? A lot of things happen a year... times that by 4 and I might go mad. I'll be 22!! How crazy is that... I dont even think I can stay in a relationship like this... I've gone through so many where they'd leave me... god damn it my boyfriends are so sucky with timing. WTF! So he says he wants to MARRY me and have kids together... I'm still young and suddenly I'm feeling so smothered. Like he's thinking too far ahead of what we are.... CRAZY FUCK. I'm just panicking...
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[11 Apr 2008|06:06pm] |
I never kissed someone so much and so passionately in my life.
WEIRD AND I GOT THE JITTERS. So last night I missed Eddie soo much I drove all the way to orange at 12AM!!!!!!!! I was already in orange prior to his text message, but it was worth the drive back!! I got out of my car and he was there with open arms and everything!
The kissing extravaganza began! Hes the bessst boyfriend ever...... I hope I'm not making the mistake of being with him later on.. We were making out in my car for like 10 minutes! I never did that before. SORRY FOR MY PDA BLOGS, but its something that gets me feeling so FUNNNY IN MY TUMMY. Turns out that his aunt was waiting for me in the living room the whole time! She's such a sweeetheart!!!!!! She always laughs at me because I squeeze onto her tummy while I hug her and she is a chubbers!
I wasn't going to sleep over but I SHOULD HAVE. Eddie and I were cuddling on the couch watching comedy central with his aunt and then she went to bedd then we started kissing agaaaaaaain. OH MY LORD it was so intense.. MY FAVORITE PART was the kisses on the forehead =) We even fell asleep kissing. HAHAHAH I couldn't take the ground anymore because somehow, thats what happened. I got up and left at 3 in the morning to drive home... ITS SO QUICK now that I've been there and back 1230451834 times. Its my second home now. I wanna stock up the fridge with my shit and make his room turn into mine. HEHEHEHE <3.
a;gkjaldkgjalkgjalkdgja I'M GOING TO AN AWARDS CEREMONY RIGHT NOW IWTH ANDY AND GEO!! byeeeeeee
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[08 Apr 2008|02:48pm] |
When I think of all the good times thats been wasted having good times!!
Soooooooo I dont know if this is love, or that I've already passed the love stage and now its just... blahh. He says it to me and whenever I try to say it or attempt to, it sounds so WRONG. I don't feel it for some reason. Does anyone know what I'm talking about??
Its been a week nowww. I have driven to Orange back and forth everyday. His family loves me!!!!!!!!! I'm so happy that thats how it is. I have a dinner date with him and his aunt soon too. HAHAHA soo funny... I just like laying around at his house doing nothing just being cute. I met his two friends Mike and Kelly. They're pretty cool, I'm meeting a lot of his ORANGE friends actually... I miss him being around me... but at the same time I like him being so far away so I dont get sick of him! Muahahah!! <33333.
Hes leaving for a job in Arizona soon for a WHOLE MONTH!!! I'm pretty sad about it, but what can I do?? He'll be making bank and spending all his money ON ME! =)
Then after that.. he's going to join the navy... and leave me for 2 months + 4 years. I'm sooo sad... What kind of relationship is this??! IF IT GETS TOO LONG DISTANCE I think my heart wont be able to take it.
i missssssssss my baby!!!
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[31 Mar 2008|12:46am] |
hehehehhee....... after sooo many months i'm finally eddie's girlfriend. I'm kind of happy and kind of everything. hahahah its funny how whenever i would gain the balls to tell him something he'll just straight out tell me. he's always taking the load off my chest.
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[25 Feb 2008|11:27am] |
What does a girl do in my position? ..
a lot, i mean A LOT has been different lately but its a good thing I guess. One moment its sunny out and the next gloomy. 22 22 22! Maybe I'm over thinking this but I can if I want to! I HATE FIRST TIMERS. You never forget first timers. Its beginning to feel like before. I'M SCARED!!! I act differently and all that shiiit because I get nervous...
I like sleeping over at his house. Its comfy.
hahahahahhahah we're trying to be cute
i love thisssssssssss
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